


Isekai Adventure!

by Local_WhiteMage



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, Isekai, pls dont read im just uploading this here to show to my friends to make them hate me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-01-25 04:24:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21350209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Local_WhiteMage/pseuds/Local_WhiteMage
Summary: DO NOT READ! unless I sent this to you specifically then please read <3
Relationships: OC/OC
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	1. Beginning of an Adventure!

Go guardian!” Jason demanded.  
“I don’t wanna go guardian, I wanna go mage...” Katie whined in response.  
“But I already picked mage- whatever I’ll build tank’”  
“Yay I got what I wanted!” Katie locked in a mage in delight.  
“Feh, I hate couples” Mohamed grimaced, locking in an assassin.  
The trio were playing hit game Smort as they usually did before Katie and Jason ditched Mohamad to play other games. Katie ran ahead of the group after buying items to enhance her healing abilities and started killing a gaggle of minions heading toward their tower. Mohamed sunk into the jungle lane, waiting for his chance to unsuccessfully flank the enemy team and feed them. True to his word, Jason started building a tank mage to appease his tsundere girlfriend.  
After losing the game, Katie slunk back into her computer chair in sadness.  
“Why didn’t you two carry me...” she sniffled.  
Before Jason and Mohamed could start yelling at her for building no armour the entire game there was a sudden glow coming from Jason's’ computer.  
“Uh, guys, I think my computer is glitching out” he said but heard no response. He took off his KOTION Each G2000 Gaming Headset Earphone 3.5mm Jack with LED Backlit and Mic Stereo Bass Noise Cancelling for Computer Game Player by SENHAI headset and stared into his computer screen. The edges of the monitor were glowing with a strange blue light. Out of a strange instinct Jason put his hand against the monitor and floundered when his hand started to get enveloped by the screen!  
“Woah!” he exclaimed “this is just like hit game pers-” before he could finish his sentence his whole body was being sucked through his computer screen.  
The next thing he felt was a falling sensation and then, he blacked out.  
‘Mohamed, we have to do something!” Jason heard a girl's voice say.  
“What do you propose we do?” a male's voice said.  
“I...I dunno...”  
Jason opened his eyes. Everything was fuzzy, all he could make out was a cute brunette girl and a serious looking arab man looming over him.  
“Kya! I think he’s awake!” the girl screamed and flopped onto the ground to snuggle up to Jason’s aching body “I was so worried! I thought you were dead! I was scared I would’ve had to have find a new boyfriend!”  
‘Boyfriend?’ Jason thought ‘just who is this girl?’  
The young twink turned his head to get a better view of the girl glomping his body. His eyes adjusted and suddenly he recognised her. Those cute freckles, the soft boobs and butt, her large cute hazel eyes, it was his e-girl!  
“Katie?!” he gasped.  
“Yay you don’t have amnesia! I was super scared you would lose your memory and I’d have to recondition you to love me!” Katie burried her head into his shoulder and smiled warmly.  
Jason peered up and recognised the other figure he had heard; it was his friend Mohamed!  
“Took you long enough to wake up” Mohamed held a hand out and helped Jason off the ground leaving Katie there to get dirt in her hair.  
“Can you help me up too please?” Katie asked in a high pithced voice.  
“No.” Mohamed replied.  
“What are you two doing here?” Jason asked.  
“I dunno!” Katie got herself off the ground “we just wound up here after our Smort game!”  
Jason closed his eyes and began to recollect the moments before he was here. Playing Smort with his friends, and then suddenly falling through his computer. Just what had happened?!  
“I suggest we travel to that village over there and ask for help” Mohamed pointed at a small cute town just off in the distance.  
“Yeah, good idea buddy” Jason nodded.  
“I want praise too...” Katie pouted.  
“You’re not as ugly as you could be” Mohamed gave a little thumbs up.  
“Thanks!”  
The trio travelled through the lush green lands, following a dirt path that led to the village Mohamed had pointed out. It didn’t take long for them to realise they weren't on earth anymore. Amongst the trees dotted along the path to the village, Jason spotted small strange creatures lurking about. He held Katie close, not for her protection but for the monster's innocence protection.  
When they arrived, the village was like a starter area out of a video game! Merchants had their wares out for sale and people dressed in armour brandished weapons as they walked along the cobblestone streets. The buildings were tightly packed and it was quite crowded.  
“Wow! This is just like comic con!” Katie remarked eyeing up all the food on sale.  
“Feh, this isn’t so bad” Mohamed admired some of the weapons that were neatly sheathed on some of the adventurers wandering around.  
Jason looked around nervously, trying to find someone of importance who could help them. The three turned a corner and then, Jason saw it. A person stood off alone in a corner with a heavenly glow around them. A quest NPC!  
“Look! There!” Jason ran ahead off the two who gave each other a confused look before running after him.  
“Excuse me! Can you help us, please?” Jason asked the lone NPC.  
“Ah, are you adventurers?” the NPC spoke in a slow voice “Queen Morgan will want to see you at once! I heard she has a special mission for any adventurer willing to hear her plea!”  
“Queen Morgan?” Mohamed sighed.  
“Morgans here too!?” Katies face lit up.  
The three made their way to the large castle that stood in the middle of the village. The castle dwarfed the buildings surrounding it and was as beautiful as it was unnecessary.  
“Thank goodness you adventurers have come!” Morgan sat upon her throne in an elegant posture “I need you to-” suddenly she stopped and fixated on Katie.  
“Huh? Is something wrong?” Katie asked innocently.  
“No fatties in the royal chamber” Morgan said flatly.  
Katie waited outside sat on the floor like a pathetic anime girl while Mohamed and Jason were briefed on their mission.  
“It seems as though this isn’t the Morgan from our world” Mohamed whispered to Jason.  
“I wouldn’t know, buddy. I mean she’s acting pretty similar” Jason sneered at the Queen.  
“You must save our poor kingdom!” Morgan whimpered holding her hands together pleadingly “it has been overrun by an unknown threat! I beg of you to help us!”  
The Queens request was as desperate as it was vague.  
“I don’t know about this Jason, I mean-”  
“Nonsense! As the protagonist of an isekai I must accept your quest, Queen Morgan!”  
“Thank you so much! You must start your quest by ridding my village of a group of goblins who have taken up in a cave nearby! I’ll mark the location on your map!”  
There was stillness in the room as Morgan sat in silence.  
“Um, are you gonna mark it on our map or-”  
“I did.”  
Mohamed nudged Jason and pulled out a map that was now in Jason's pocket. On the map was a convenient marker showing where the party was now as well as a red exclamation point showing where the party needed to go.  
“Oh, uh, thank you” Jason coughed awkwardly.  
“I recommend you go to the blacksmiths to get some better armour. Please take this gold to get you started”  
A brown pouch suddenly appeared in front of Jason in mid-air. Jason nervously reached for it and passed his thanks to the queen for the gift.  
“Please! You are our only hope!” Morgan pleaded as the duo left the chamber, picking up their Katie on the way out.  
At the blacksmiths, the three were picking out what armour and weapons they wanted.  
“I wanna get something cute that’ll make all the monsters wanna kiss me!” Katie asked the blacksmith.  
“I want something that will be easy to move in and won’t get me noticed” Mohamed asked after Katie had left to get changed into her clothes.  
“Uh, I’d like something that can protect my friends but can also deal damage!” Jason requested while his friends were getting changed.  
As the blacksmith was picking out his armour, Katie came out of the dressing room in a cute long white robe with a 90’s style RPG floppy priests' hat. Suddenly, a little information box appeared over her head.

**Name: Katie**   
**Class: Priestess**   
**Primary Weapon: Love Stick**   
**Secondary Weapon: N/A**   
**Abilities:**   
**Auttoattack: Katie attacks with her signature Love Stick. A weak move that does little damage.**   
**Kiss of Life: Katie blows a kiss to an ally and restores 20% of their HP. A direct kiss gives a bonus 5% healing.**   
**Tsundere Mode: Katie insults an enemy reducing their defence by 10%. After this move has been used, Katie cannot heal for 1 turn.**

Mohamed came out next wearing a tight leather tunic with one of his nipples exposed. On his hips a dagger was sheathed and a bow was slung around his back.

**Name: Mohamed**   
**Class: Assassin**   
**Primary Weapon: Dagger of Allah**   
**Secondary Weapon: Bow of Allan**   
**Abilities:**   
**Auttoattack: Mohamed can auttoattack with either his dagger or his bow. His bow is less likely to hit but its range means he is less likely to be counterattacked.**   
**Silence Pagan: Mohamed shoots an arrow from his bow that silences an enemy for 3 turns.Islam Pride: Mohamed sacrifices one turn to do a bonus 50% damage the next turn.**

“Wow...you look really cool you two” Jason was in awe as to how cute Katie looked in her priest outfit and how sexy Mohamed's nipple looked.  
“Here!” the blacksmith shoved a set of armour into Jason's hands “this should do you nicely!”  
Jason came out in an elegant amalgamation of a Paladins armour and a Mages Armour. He brandished a chest and shoulder guard atop a delicate robe with a side cape peeking out from the back. His armour was a beautiful grape purple with intricate weavings making it look like a very fancy curtain.

**Name: Jason**   
**Class: Spell Sword**   
**Primary Weapon: Neptunes Rapier**   
**Secondary Weapon: N/A**   
**Abilities:**   
**Auttoattack: Jason can attack an enemy with his rapier. This attack is enhanced if he uses one of his abilities.**   
**Ifrits Fire: Jasons next autoattack is fire augmented. If the attack is succesful, there is a 25% chance to leave a damage over time burn.**   
**Shivas Ice: Jasons next auttoattack is ice augmented. If the attack is succesful, there is a 10% chance the enemy will be frozen and miss its next turn.**

“Jason, you look so sexy!” Katie fawned over her boyfriend's new clothes.  
“Feh, you look fine...sugar tits” Mohamed whispered under his breath.  
“Thanks fellas!” Jason felt like the whole room was staring at him “come on, we have to go clear out that goblin cave!”  
The trio theatrically ran out of the blacksmiths as they headed towards the goblin cave!


	2. Goblin King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> goblin king gobling

“Jason, I’m confused. Why are you acting so casual?” Mohamed asked as they started making their way to the goblin cave. Katie and Mohamed had begun acting panicked once they had left the village as they realised the situation they had found themselves in. Jason however was acting more brain dead than usual.  
“Cos I’ve seen enough isekai to know where this is going!” he said triumphantly “we defeat the goblins, move forward in the main questline and eventually defeat whatever evil Morgan was talking about! Then we go back to the real world and I have epic sex with my cringe girlfriend!”  
“I see” Mohamed stroked his chin, intrigued by Jason's idiocy “I guess watching all that anime has paid off for you”  
“It has! But I am a lil’ confused. Usually a rival party turns up around now-”  
Jason was cut off by a tomahawk landing in front of him. He did an anime flail arms thing and fell on his backside.  
“Thou must stopeth where you standeth! It is us whomst will rid the village of the goblins!” a voice rang out from the treetops.  
“Yes! We will be the ones to liberate the village of the goblins!” another voice said.  
The trio stood in awe as a duo of adventurers leapt down in front of them. A small text box appeared over each one's head.

**Name: Whylar**   
**Class: Axeman**   
**Primary Weapon: Axe of the Nymphet**   
**Secondary Weapon: Tomahawk**   
**Abilities:**   
**Auttoattack: Whylar can use her axe for a melee attack or her tomahawk for a ranged attack.**   
**Bruiser: Whylars defence decreases by 10% but her attack increases by 20% for 3 turns.**

True to her class, Whylar held her axe over her shoulder swagly. She wore similar armour to Mohamed, a basic leather tunic but with zero nipples out.

**Name: James**   
**Class: Cheater**   
**Primary Weapon: N/A**   
**Secondary Weapon: N/A**   
**Abilities:**   
**Cheat: James cheats on his gf. Nothing happens.**

James looked like a fusion of roadhog and Hifumi Yamada.  
“Stand back, Katie!” Jason shielded his girlfriend “these guys look dangerous!”  
“Hey I can fend for myself!” Katie argued but ultimately obeyed her boyfriend.  
“Listen. Perhaps we can form an alliance” Mohamed approached the duo, walking past Jason and Katie making him vulnerable for an attack. Whylar took the opportunity and used her axe to attack Mohamed, charging at him and knocking him to the ground.  
“Well I tried to be civil!” Mohamed drew his dagger and counterattacked but James shielded his e-girl with ease.  
“Thou cannost hurt the lady!”  
“Stop talking like that!” Mohamed began to attack James with a flurry of blows from his dagger. Fortunately, due to James lack of any weapons, Mohamed easily knocked down the large man.  
“Thou hast bested me...”

A message box suddenly appeared above his head.

**James has been K/O’d! Take him to the nearest inn to restore his HP!**

“Oh come on...” Whylar sighed “this isn’t over! We’re gonna get to the goblin cave before you do!” she began to lug her partners body back towards the village.  
“Thanks buddy!” Jason placed a hand on Mohamed's shoulder.  
“We aren’t the only player characters here?” Katie asked with a worried look on her face.  
“It seems so” Mohamed said in a scholarly voice.  
“This is fine! We have a head start on those two! If we hurry, we can complete the quest first!” Jason began to walk ahead in a light jog while his companions followed.  
“Something tells me this isn't the last we’ll see of those two!” Katie looked at the reader and winked.  
The outside of the goblin cave was adorned with macabre ornaments. Animal skulls stood menacingly on wooded poles and a strange odour was coming from inside.  
“What's that smell?” Mohamed smelt the air curiously.  
“It's shrimp!” Katie answered “it smells like the beaches near my village!”  
“Silence villager” Mohamed snorted.  
“But you asked a question...”  
“Silence villager!” Jason said “we have to make a plan of attack!”  
“I say we tempt the goblins out with the nearest femoids body” Mohamed suggested.  
“Yeah!” Katies face lit up “I wanna do that!”  
“Be normal!” Jason scolded his girlfriend.  
“I can’t help it! Goblins are just so cute! I wanna [REDACTED] with them until I [REDACTED] and then they get their [REDACTED] alll over my body until I’m [REDACTED] [REDACTED] with a giant [REDACTED] and then I have their beautiful goblin babies!”  
The two men stared at the girl in disgust.  
“Anyway, back to my plan, who will we use for bait?” Mohamed asked.  
“Well there's only one girl here and she seems pretty willing to do it” Jason peered at his girlfriend. The two however, just stared at him with unusual looks on their faces.  
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Jason asked worryingly.

* * *

"This isn’t gonna work!” Jason stood wearing his girlfriends cute armour. It barely hid his slender feminine legs and the hat made his poofy hair look adorable.  
“You look so cute bae!” Katie exclaimed, admiring her own body in her boyfriends armour. The two had switched at the behest of Mohamed who wanted to utilise Jason's feminine wiles rather than Katies.  
“Listen, if we use Katie as bait she’s just going to do disgusting immoral things” Mohamed sighed as Katie giggled nervously in the background.  
“I guess so” Jason said, trying to pull down the robe to cover his thighs “this is embarrassing though!”  
“Hey it’s just us two here!” Katie tried to comfort her boyfriend.  
“That and the unknown amount of player characters roaming around” Mohamed said. It didn’t make Jason feel better.  
“Fine! I might as well own it!” Jason picked up his rapier for protection “I’m gonna be the best goblin bride bait ever!”  
“That’s the spirit bae!” Katie cheered him on.  
Jason sauntered into the cave, Mohamed admiring the twinks behind in the tight robes as he did.  
“Oh my gosh, I’m so lost!” Jason called out in his best girl voice “what is a lone virgin biological girl supposed to do?”  
Jason pathetically threw himself on the ground out of annoyance. His performance wasn’t leading any goblins to him and it was starting to make him upset.  
“What are we supposed to do when the goblins get to Jason, Mohamed?” outside the cave the two sat hid behind a rock waiting patiently.  
“I don’t know. I think we should just let him succumb to his fate”  
“What fate?”  
“Oh, you know”  
Inside the cave Jason was about to give up and go back to his friends when suddenly he heard the noise of feet skittering against rock. He immediately got back into character.  
“Has someone come to rescue me?” he shouted out in an innocent voice. He began casting Ifrits Fire in anticipation for a sneak attack in the dark cave.  
His intuition was right as a small humanoid figure attacked him from atop a stack of rocks. The small creature clung to Jason's hair and tried to bite down on his head but Jason's superior strength sent it flying across the cave.  
Jason pointed his rapier at the direction the creature went, unable to see him due to the darkness of the cave. He heard it move a little bit across the dirt floor and finally made a groaning noise before the cave went silent.  
Jason was about to celebrate his triumph until he realised. He hadn’t received any EXP. The creature wasn’t dead!  
The boy took a big gamble. He lunged forward with his rapier, still enchanted with Ifrits Fire, and began to attack the dark void in front of him in hopes of landing a hit on the goblin. His gamble didn’t pay off however as he felt something cling to his back.  
“Bitch! Why won’t you let me have sex with you!?” the goblin screeched as it began to climb up Jason’s back.  
“I wanna be just friends!” Jason shouted as he tried to get the creature off him.  
“Why won’t you femoids stop rejecting me?!”  
Jason managed to grab the goblin by the scruff of its neck and threw it down onto the ground and placed the tip of its rapier on its throat. He held the goblin still with his bare sexy foot placed on its stomach.  
“Maybe if you worked on your personality, you’d have a girlfriend!” he plunged his rapier into the goblin, killing it. The goblins body began to disintegrate as a small text box appeared above Jason's head.

**Level Up!**   
**LVL 1 0/50 EXP ----> LVL 2 0/75 EXP**

“Wow! I feel a lil’ stronger!” Jason nodded his head along to the fanfare that began playing.  
“Jason! Are you okay?” Katie suddenly appeared with Mohamed close behind her.  
“We heard noises and were worried you were being sexually violated”  
“Nah, I’m fine fellas” Jason smiled at his friends concern for him “I levelled up though!”  
“I wanna level up!” Katie whined.  
“We can’t all get what we want” Mohamed said eyeing up Jason’s sexy slender body.  
“Well, the bait didn’t really work” Jason looked disappointed “only one came out”  
“Awww I’m so proud of him” Katie patted herself on the back for her allyship.  
“Perhaps we should go further in as a unit instead” Mohamed suggested.  
“Why didn’t we just do that from that start?!” Jason's voice cracked out of humiliation.  
Katie and Mohamed looked away from Jason, their faces red with embarrassment.  
“It’s just, we thought, um, maybe if you baited them, um-” Katie began.  
“It’s because you’re sexy as hell” Mohamed finished for her.  
After Katie and Jason swapped back clothes he three began to travel deeper into the cave. They had a few random encounters, Jason protecting the team with his high defence, Katie healing any of their wounds and Mohamed being dead weight as usual. Just as Katie wanted the battles had levelled up the party. Katie and Mohamed being at level 5 but Jason being at level 6.  
As they travelled through the cave the smell of shrimp became stronger. Katie reminisced to her teammates about her village and began to get homesick.  
“This is a once in a lifetime opportunity Katie!” Jason argued “to get isekai’d is every weaboos dream!”  
“Shut up degenerate” Mohamed scolded his pasty white friend.  
The three began arguing as to whether racism against white people was real or not when they reached the apex of the cave. It was a large part of the cave littered with crude torches and suspicious meat roasting over open fires.  
Atop a large pile of rocks was a throne made of toilet rolls spray painted to look like bones. Sitting on the throne was a twink who could rival Jason in terms of twinkiness.  
“Who...are you?” Jason gulped.  
“I am the Goblin King” the figure on the throne responded.  
As the three approached they got a better look at the Goblin King.  
“You’re...” Mohamed began.  
“That’s just a dude!” Katie yelled “you’re not a goblin!”  
“You are kind of just a guy” Jason said.  
A crowd of goblins began to form around the party, blocking off any exit they had.  
“Yes, I am a human” the Goblin King looked to the ground “allow me to tell you my backstory as to how I got here”  
“That won’t be necessary” Mohamed said.  
“I was only a baby when my parents abandoned me in the woods” the Goblin King closed his eyes thematically “I was adopted at the time by a small tribe of goblins. They raised me, clothed me, taught me their language” he looked up and smiled at his brethen “I would be dead if it weren’t for them”  
He got up and began to descend from his throne.  
“They gave me the name ‘Jaq’ which in the goblin language means ‘one who is twinkus of heart’. I know I am different from my brothers, but it is this difference that allowed me to become their king”  
Because you’re human?” Jason asked.  
“No, a bigger difference than that. I...have fucked”  
The crowd of goblins began to cheer.  
“All hail the sex haver!”  
“We love you King chad!”  
“You see, goblins want nothing more than to do the dirty” Jaq was face to face the party now. He was around Katies height and was dwarfed in Mohamed and Jason's presence.  
“Your backstory is certainly intriguing” Jason placed a hand on the hilt of his rapier “but unfortunately, we were sent on a quest to exterminate all goblins”  
“You were sent by Queen Morgan, no?”  
“How did you know?” Jason's hand faltered bit.  
“You see, her and I, we used to...” he turned away from the group and flipped his cape “play DND together”


	3. The Power of Friendship

“You and Queen Morgan know each other? Feh, I hate drama...” Mohamed flipped his hair dramatically.  
“Yes, that is true. Allow me to tell you the nature of our relationship in detail” Jaq closed his eyes as he recalled his time with Queen Morgan.  
“Oh that’s okay-” said Jason  
“It was almost a year ago. My goblin tribe was thriving, so much so that travellers came to our cave to trade in our goblin goods. Our hand-crafted weapons, our traditional goblin food, our goblin essence...”  
“Goblin essence?!” Katies face lit up.  
“We began to expand our territory to outside the village of Twitteria which at the time, Morgan didn’t rule”  
“The village has a name?” Jason asked “but it’s a starting village-they never have names!”  
“Literally what are you talking about” Jaq asked the stupid twink “anyway, at the time Morgan ruled Discordia until the incident that caused the whole kingdom to fall into disarray”  
“This must be the unknown threat Queen Morgan was talking about” Mohamed nodded proud of his insight.  
“At the time only Discordia was targeted, but now I do believe only Twitteria stands. The monarchs of each village have gone missing and Morgan is the only one left standing”  
“That's horrible!” Katie gasped “but how did you and Morgan meet each other?”  
“Yes, I was leading into that if you let me finish my sentence” Jaq sneered at the little chubster “Morgan fell into a deep depression when Discordia was taken over by the unknown evil. I saw an opportunity to strengthen my tribe's relationship with Twitteria and reached out to her to play DND”  
“I didn’t think dungeons and dragons existed in this universe” Jason commented.  
“What the fuck is dungeons and dragons” Jaq asked “things were going well between us two. We met up every Friday to play. However, things between us turned sour when I missed one of our sessions”  
“That is completely justified” said Mohamed. Jason winced and looked down in guilt.  
“She forbade my goblins from entering the village and we have been secluded in our cave ever since” Jaq straightened his posture and turned to the crowd of goblins surrounding the four of them “but we will not give up! We will make Morgan see she has been behaving like a complete meanie!”  
The cave began to echo with the cheers of the goblins.  
“Do the goblins realise it was Jaq’s fault they’re in this situation in the first place?” Katie whispered to the party.  
“Silence femoid” Mohamed hissed.  
“Maybe there’s a peaceful solution to this” Jason shrugged his shoulders “Goblin King! Allow us to speak to Morgan for you, perhaps we can work something out?”  
“Hm...” Jaq was reluctant to accept the parties help but after weighing his options, he realised it would be better for his tribe if him and Queen Morgan were on good terms again “fine. I don’t see any harm in trying. I will wait here for you to arrange an audience with me and Morgan”  
“Great!” Jason began to lead his friends out the cave, the goblins allowing them to pass after their Kings approval “sorry about all the goblins we killed on our way here!”  
“Wait you did what?” Jaq yelled but the trio had already left.

* * *

“Gather round fellas!” Jason sat on his bed with a pile of childish drawings around him “I’ve made a plan!”  
“Jason it’s midnight” Mohamed turned to Jason. He was snuggled all cutely under his bed sheets like a puppy under a blankie.  
The three had rented an inn room, allowing them to restore their HP. Jason had stayed awake while his friends slept, creating a plan to make Jaq and Queen Morgan friends again.  
“We start off by bringing Jaq with us to Morgan” Jason pointed to a crude drawing of the party and Jaq making their way to the castle “then we get them to argue a lil’” he pointed to another picture of an angry Queen Morgan and Jaq arguing “and then when they’re all tired us three get them to make up and be friends again” the next drawing showed Jaq and Queen Morgan shaking hands with love hearts surrounding them “then we move on in our isekai adventure!” the final drawing showed the three moving onto the next village except Jason had a giant dong and Mohamed had stink lines.  
“That is an extremely juvenile plan, Jason” Mohamed commented.  
“You’re such a child, Jason” Katie yawned from underneath her bed sheets.  
“I’m not a child!” Jason screeched, his voice cracking “besides I don’t see you two coming up with a better plan”  
There was a lulling silence as the two realised Jason was right.  
The next day, the trio led Jaq across the sprawling countryside leading to Twitteria.  
“It’s been so long since I’ve been out of the cave” Jaq closed his eyes and took in the feeling of the gentle breeze on his face “this feels great!”  
“Now when we get to the castle-” Jason pointed Jaqs attention to one of his drawings “simply tell Morgan what’s bothering you! Us three will be there to help with the fallout”  
“I will try” Jaq let out a long sigh “if this doesn’t work out though, do know I’m going to send my goblins to kill all of you”  
“Alright!” Jason said.  
Inside the castle, Jaqs hands were trembling, knees weak, arms spaghetti.  
“It’ll be okay, Jaq!” Katie reassured him “I’ll be outside if you need me. I still haven’t lost the required amount of weight to be in the same room as Morgan!”  
The double doors leading to the royal chamber opened achingly slow. Queen Morgan sat upon her throne, her face lighting up as she saw Jason and Mohamed but immediately turning dour as she noticed Jaq.  
“I asked you to kill all the goblins” Morgans voice was devoid of emotion but it was obvious she was trying to restrain her anger “this is literally the complete opposite of what I asked you to do”  
“Morgan!” Jason said in a heroic voice “I wanted to try and end this peacefully. Jaq has told us everything, about how you and him used to play DND together, and I want you two to be friends again!”  
“Imposible” Morgan said “I cannot be friends with someone who skips out on DND”  
“Well maybe Jaq would like to apologise for that” Mohamed turned to the Goblin King.  
“I...” Jaq started as he turned his head away from Queen Morgan “I am sorry”  
“Pah! He clearly doesn’t mean it” Queen Morgan rolled her eyes.  
“I do!” Jaq accidently let his calm persona break “I really am sorry, Morgan. I tried to make amends but you barred me and my goblins from entering the village, which was taking it a little too far in my opinion”  
“I took it the correct amount of far!” Morgan yelled.  
The bickering continued, the two airing their grievances about the other. Mohamed and Jason were left to stand in awkward silence as the two continued their verbal attack.  
Surprisingly, exactly according to Jason’s plan, the two were worn out after arguing for approximately an hour and thirty-seven minutes.  
“Let’s just say you were both kinda simpin and apologise to each other” Jason suggested.  
“I’m trying” Jaq whined a little.  
“I guess perhaps I can apologise” Morgan said “as long as you keep your army of incels out of my village”  
“I will, as long as we can be friends again” Jaq smiled warmly.  
“Fine. Then I suppose...I am sorry Jaq”  
“Yeah! The power of friendship wins again!” Jason cheered.  
“Thank you for helping me adventurers” Morgan addressed the two in an elegant voice “I would suggest you head to the town of Skyperia. It is at the forefront of the resistance against the evil, but is slowly succumbing to the dark forces”  
“So Twitteria isn’t the last place standing like I thought” Jaq said.  
“Wow, do you live in a cave or something” Mohamed asked mockingly.  
“Yes” Jaq replied.


	4. In-tents Battle

The journey from Twitteria to Skyperia was a long one. Queen Morgan advised the two, who then relayed it to Katie who was outside the royal chamber eating a box of mikado, that they should buy tents and supplies with the money they had earned from completing her quest.  
“Be warytravelers” the shopkeeper had warned them “these tents are a one time use!”  
Those words echoed in Jason's mind as they set up their tents for the night.  
“I still say we should have just bought one tent and shared it” Mohamed sound mildly annoyed.  
“No that’s gay” Jason said.  
Katie, who was making Mohamed set up her tent for her, had used her newly acquired cooking skill to set up a fire. She concentrated on a small text box in front of her.

**Beginner Cooking Recipes:**   
**Rice Porridge (rice, water, milk)**   
**Meat Stew (meat, water)**   
**Tomato Soup (tomato, milk)**

Katie lamented how basic and tasteless the beginner recipes were. She turned to her friends and asked what they wanted for dinner.  
“Feh, why should I care” Mohamed said cooly.  
“I want meat stew!” Jason said “yummy!”  
“Phew, that should be easy” Katie closed the text box in front of her with a cute swish of her hands “we just need any meat and some water”  
“Allow me to get the meat” Mohamed offered, admiring his Bow of Allan.  
“I’ll get the water then!” Jason said.  
“I’ll keep watch over the camp” Katie nodded.  
The three promptly split up, all of them acutely aware of the sun setting in the distance and wanting to finish their chores quickly. Jason and Katie knew that according to RPG rules, strong monsters came out at night. Mohamed however just wanted to not be caught because he’s afraid of the dark.  
The Arab man found himself in a small wooded area, not too far off from their campsite. His assassin gear muffled his movement allowing him to get in shooting range of a small doe. The doe was completely unaware of the incel lining his shot up. He breathed in, then out slowly but just as he was about to release the arrow-  
The doe fell to the ground before Mohamed’s eyes. Was he really so powerful that he killed it without actually attacking it?  
“My lady! I hast done it!”  
Mohamed sighed deeply. It was the two who had harassed them earlier.  
“Good job, e-boy!” Whylars voice rang out from the treetops.  
Mohamed observed as the two descended down and looted the doe. It had dropped 1 deer leather and 3 pieces of deer meat which would have been enough to feed the party. He considered just finishing the two there but was intimidated by being outnumbered so he continued to observe them.  
“You can throw away the deer leather, James. Neither of us can use it and it isn’t even good vendor junk”  
“Of course mine lady!”  
“Now this deer meat…” Whylar opened her inventory “we could maybe use this if either of us had picked up the cooking skill in Twitteria”  
“Forgive me mine lady. I should have thought of that while I was there”  
“Yeah, yeah. Might as well throw it away too” Whylar crossed her arms and huffed “whoever programmed this stupid game should have made mobs drop food and not ingredients”  
“If the fiend who had made this simulation was here right now, I swear to you mine lady, they would be dead where they stand!”  
Mohamed began to back away. Once an item had been disposed of from someones inventory, no one else could retrieve it. These chimps obviously had nothing else to offer Mohamed so he wanted to make a tactful retreat.  
“Good job with that bow though, James. Guess it was worth doing that sidequest while we were still in Twitteria”  
“I am unworthy of your praise my lady” James took out his bow ran his greasy hands across the bows limbs “but yes, I suppose it was worth it”  
Mohamed's eyes lit up. The bow James possessed looked much stronger than his current one. The way it glew meant it was enchanted too which was even more tempting to him. As the two were discussing their plans, Mohamed began casting Islam Pride. Finally, once it was done, he stood up straight and shot an arrow directly at James’s hands, knocking the bow out of his hands.  
“Owie!” James cried out.  
“Feh, child's play” Mohamed smiled.  
“Hey, you’re the guy from Twitteria!” Whylar drew her axe defensively “what do you think you’re doing?!”  
“I think what I’m doing is stealing that bow off you” Mohamed readied another arrow “now, you look like just enough EXP to level me up”  
“I don’t think so! It’s two versus one!” Whylar casted Bruiser “James, be my meat shield!”  
“Of course my lady!” James didn’t bother picking his bow back up and readied himself to defend Whylar.  
“I see you want to do this the hard way” Mohamed sheathed his bow and drew out his dagger “fine by me!”  
Whylar threw a tomahawk at Mohamed which unfortunately hit him. He was launched back by the force of it, mostly due to Whylars attack buff.  
“Heh, I see” Mohamed felt his HP begin to drop.  
He rushed forward, aiming for Whylar but due to his earlier orders James shielded his attacks with his body.  
“Ha!” Whylar laughed “my e-boy is fat so he has a passive bonus to his HP!”  
“Damnit, I always knew Morgan was right about fatsos” Mohamed’s will began to falter. He needed to attack Whylar but couldn’t see any way past the bulwark in front of him. Perhaps brute force wasn’t going to cut it. Perhaps he needed a new strategy.  
“Look! A girl you can cheat on your girlfriend on!” Mohamed cried out pointing in a vague direction.  
James gasped.  
“Where?!” the man ran out into the woods and disappeared out of sight.  
“Heh, looks like it's just you and me” Mohamed felt proud of his cunning plan as Whylar laid bare and vulnerable in front of him.  
“Pfft, whatever. I still have my damage buff”  
Mohamed chuckled and pulled his bow out.  
“Mind telling me the full description of that move?”  
“Sure?” Whylar opened her move list “it gives a 20% increase to attack and a 10% decrease to defense!”  
“Bingo”  
Mohamed released his arrow and with a little luck and some extra skill on Mohamed’s part, it reached its target.  
“Wh-” Whylar watched as the HP bar above her head decreased to zero.

**Whylar has been K/O’d! Take her to the nearest inn to restore her HP!**

“Heh, nothing personal, kid” Mohamed sheathed his weapons and began to walk away from Whylars corpse.  
“My lady!” James had returned and was knelt in front of his e-girl “you will pay for this!”  
“Feh, you’re nothing but mistakes” Mohamed turned to them “I don’t even want the bow now, not that you’ve had your disgusting hands on it”  
The malice from Mohamed’s voice was searing. James didn’t even have the time to retort as by the time he looked up from Whylars corpse, he was gone.

* * *

“That smells delicious!” Jason drooled staring into Katie’s cooking pot.  
“Does it smell better than chicken nuggets?” Katie asked.  
“Hmmm...no”  
The two argued between them about Jason’s eating habits while Mohamed sat to the side, lost in thought. He had managed to retrieve meat for Katie’s stew but at what cost? Those two annoyed him unreasonably so.  
“Hey Mohamed, it’s ready” Katie offered a bowl to her friend “it’s bacon and pork blood! Your favourite!”  
“I think I’ve lost my appetite” Mohamed politely declined her offer.


	5. The Witch and The Alchemist

“There’s Skyperia” Mohamed pointed to the town visible in the distance. Its gothic victorian architecture was a big juxtaposition to Twitterias cute rural village style and there was a large swarm of thunder clouds hung above the city. Whether it was for aesthetic or something more sinister, the party was about to find out.  
“It looks scary” Katie whimpered “Jason hold me in your skinny twink arms!”  
Jason obliged his gremlin girlfriend.  
“It’s okay! Lets go, fellas!”  
The road leading to Skyperia slowly got more sinister as they continued down it. The charming dirt road slowly transitioned into broken cobblestone. Crows and ravens littered the lamp posts and the sky slowly turned darker.  
“Wow! This is just like a World of Warcraft area or something!” Katie commented.  
“Sorry, I only play real games” Mohamed thought about Shadow the Hedgehog and smiled.  
On the outskirts of the town were many makeshift tents. NPC’s were crowded into small areas, huddled together like a swarm of melancholy bees.  
“You!” an NPC in rags ran up the party “were you sent from Twitteria?”  
“Yup!” Jason stood triumphantly “we’re Team Jason!”  
“Actually we’re Team Mohamed” Mohamed side eyed Jason.  
“I’m Team Jacob!” Katie smiled.  
“Thank goodness, our Queen will want to see you”  
The NPC led the group past the shanty town into an area filled with makeshift defenses, seemingly made out of the ruins of the towns buildings.  
The group could hear an imposing woman giving out orders to soldiers.  
“The people are starving! See if you can retrieve food from inside the city! Bring your best men to do it, I’m counting on you!”  
“Queen Natasha!” the NPC approached the woman “these adventurers have come from Twitteria to help us!”  
The woman turned to the group. She wore delicate lolita style clothing with a grimoire held in a sheath on her hip. Her long, straight dark hair rested past her shoulders and perched on her shoulder was a small jackdaw.  
“Finally” Queen Natasha scoffed “Morgan hasn’t been replying to my carrier pigeons”  
“Oh! It’s Natasha!” Katie’s face lit up.  
“Oh god it’s Natasha” Mohamed sighed.  
“It’s a pleasure to meet you” Queen Natasha bowed “I am Queen Natasha, though technically I am Prime Minister Natasha”  
“What do you mean?” Jason queried.  
“Skyperia has no monarch, only a Prime Minister but when I got elected I demanded they refer to me as their Queen!”  
“Wow! So cool” Katie was enamoured with the NPC version of her friend.  
“This bird is my familiar, Cal” Queen Natasha gently stroked the jackdaws head “I was originally studying witchcraft before I became Queen”  
“Hey I can use magic too! Kind of” Jason said.  
“Don’t even compare yourself to me” Natasha smiled.  
“We don’t need your backstory, woman” Mohamed interrupted them “we need to help your town to advance, as this idiot calls it, the main story quest”  
“Yes, we are in desperate need of help I’m afraid to admit” Natasha beckoned the group to follow her further into the ruins of the town.  
“The evil that took over Discordia just recently spread here. We’ve barely been able to hold it back. I’ve lost countless soldiers trying to defeat the leader of the demons infesting the town”  
“Ah, I bet if we defeat the leader then the town will be safe!” Jason theorised “it’s just isekai logic!”  
“Who is the leader of the demons?” Katie asked worryingly.  
“The leader, I regret to inform you, is the previous leader of my royal guard”  
“What do you mean?” Jason asked.  
“The demon itself has no corporeal form. It jumps from host to host until their bodies are too wounded to continue. Before it took root here it was in the body of a citizen from the next town over, Tumblria. Once we defeated it, it took over the body of my most trusted knight, Sir Carlos”  
“Oh no!” Katie gasped.  
“His body is perfect. None of my knights could defeat him even before he was possessed. His physical strength coupled with the demons powers has made him unstoppable. He now hides out in the old barracks, sending his minions after us until we won’t be able to fight anymore”  
Queen Natasha had recounted this tale so many times it no longer pained her to retell it. She had accepted her reality. She had to go up against her favourite knight in order to take back Skyperia.  
“This is so sad” Jason sniffled.  
“Feh, your emotions make you vulnerable” Mohamed pushed past the three “let’s just get this over with”  
“Unfortunately we can’t just waltz right there and defeat him you idiot” Queen Natasha put her hands on her hips “we need a special item to trap the demon after he’s left Sir Carlos’s body”  
“Well how do we obtain this then” Mohamed asked.  
“There’s an alchemist amongst the refugees that can help you” Queen Natasha said “seek her out. I must stay here and protect my people”  
“Ooh an alchemist” Katie said, skipping ahead of the group “I hope she has a cure for my IBS!”  
After asking around, the group found out the alchemist lived in a shack on the edge of town. She was spared from the initial attack due to her solitary lifestyle and ever since has been assisting the town using her revolutionary potions and medicines.  
The shack looked worn and extremely intimidating. Cobwebs hung from the clouded windows and foreign plants grew in a patch of land to the side of the house.  
“Good luck, buddy!” Jason said as him and his girlfriend hid in a bush far off from the house.  
Mohamed gulped as he knocked on the door.  
It opened with a large creak and a young woman in a set of violet coloured robes appeared.  
“Can I help you?” she asked in a weary voice.  
Mohamed cleared his throat in the presence of the cute girl.  
“Queen Natasha sent us. She wants us to assist with the tool for capturing the demons leader”  
“Us?” the girl asked, confused.  
Mohamed pointed to his cowardly friends hiding in the distance.  
“Oh, well, nice to meet you three” the alchemist opened her door wider to invite them in “my name is Shar”

* * *

  
Shar explained that in order to craft the instrument, called the ‘Valeo Scortum’, she needed to obtain certain ingredients.  
As she explained, a small text box appeared in front of each of the trio.

**Ingredients:**  
**Garlic Bread**  
**One Anglerfish**  
**Goblin Escence**

The group looked at each other worryingly. All of these were relatively high level ingredients, ones that need some grinding to obtain.  
“If I level my cooking skill some more I can make the garlic bread!” Katie offered.  
“I can go back to Twitteria and ask Jaq for goblin escence” Jason said.  
They both turned to Mohamed.  
“An anglerfish…” Mohamed was lost in thought “you need to have a relatively high level fishing skill in order to obtain it”  
“I’m sure you’ll figure something out!” Katie ran out the room before he could protest.  
“Good luck buddy!” Jason followed her.  
Mohamed sighed.  
“Pagans…”  
The three went their separate ways for the day. Katie cooked up food for the refugees which allowed her to help the town while passively increasing her cooking skill. Eventually, she was able to craft the garlic bread for Shar and delivered it to her promptly.  
Jason headed back to Twittera and after doing a number of menial tasks for Jaq, he handed over the goblin essene. When Jason left Jaq at the goblin cave, he caught Queen Morgan approaching him with a large booklet and a small bag of dice.  
At the end of his grind Jason barely made it back to Shar’s shack before sundown. He reunited with Katie and they kissed all cute like, restoring Jason’s HP by 25%!  
Mohamed returned last with the anglerfish.  
“How did you increase your fishing skill so quickly?!” Katie was flabbergasted.  
“I didn’t” Mohamed said.  
Mohamed wiped a strange fluid from the corner of his mouth.  
“You don’t wanna know”  
“Good job you three!” Shar seemed pleasantly surprised by their efficiency “why don’t you spend the night? The Valeo Scortum should be done when you wake up”  
“Yay! I wanna take a long nap!” Katie purred.  
“That’s just called sleeping” Mohamed said.  
Jason fell asleep in the bed Shar had made for him fairly quickly, but was woken up suddenly in the night. He looked around and couldn’t see Katie. Mohamed was snoring peacefully but it seemed Katie had snuck out for some reason.  
He got up to look for her but wasn’t looking for long as he found her standing idly outside the room they were sleeping in.  
“Oh, Jason” she gasped gently, “Are you okay?”  
“I could ask the same to you”  
“I’m fine. Just thinking about stuff”  
“What kind of stuff?”  
“Just, why we’re here. I haven’t really had a chance to let it soak in” her voice was flat and melancholy.  
“Don’t think too hard! This is an isekai, just try to have fun!”  
“It was fun at first, but now” Katie looked away from him “this feels too real”  
“Aw, it’s okay. Come on back to bed, we can talk more in the morning but right now you need to sleep!”  
Jason led Katie back into the room and stayed by her side as she snuggled back into bed. As Jason did the same, he realised Mohamed had stopped snoring.


	6. Succubus Schmuckubus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no fuck for you

The next day the three returned to Queen Natasha, Valeo Scortum in hand.  
“Good job, you lot” Queen Natasha took the instrument from them and stored it in a satchel hanging from her waist “except you Mohamed”  
“Feh, some things never change even in an isekai I suppose” Queen Natashas words hurt him.  
“Stay close while we make our way to the barracks, all kinds of demons take home in my town now”  
“Demons aren’t as good as goblins, but they’re alright I guess!” Katie began drooling.  
“Awww bae you’re so weird” Jason patted his e-girls head.  
Queen Natasha led them through the ruins of the town, the party occasionally being struck with a random encounter. Using her witchcraft Queen Natasha was able to defend the party while allowing them to reap the EXP.  
“I’ve gained like five levels and I havent had to do anything!” Katie looked content “Natasha is so cool even in this universe!”  
“Feh, she’s fine I guess” Mohamed admitted.  
However as they head further into the town the encounters got harder and harder. Even though Queen Natashas magic was powerful, the rest of the party had to contribute as well just as soon as they had gotten used to their sedentary lifestyle.  
They finally got to the centre of the town, just halfway from the barracks where their target was. A fountain stood in the centre, surrounded by Victorian style buildings.  
“This looks like the kind of place we gamers call a ‘hub world’” Jason said triumphantly.  
“I’m getting a strange vibe, stay on your guard-” before Queen Natasha could finish there was a loud thumping noise behind her. She turned to see Katie lying on the floor in what seemed like a deep slumber.  
“What the-” Mohamed fell to the ground too and Jason followed him. Finally Queen Natasha also succumbed to whatever powers had forced her friends and Mohamed to fall asleep so suddenly.  
“Wow this is just like hit game Dragon Age Origins” Katie mumbled in her sleep.  
Inside his dream, Jason woke up to a purple room surrounded by Neptunia merchandise and a table off to the side with various snacks on it. He approached the table curiously and cautiously. There was Snapple, Oreos, Cheez-it’s, Goldfish, and Rice Krispie Treats. The young twinks face lit up. It had been so long since he had eaten his usual diet of snacks. Katie had been forcing him to eat normal people food and he had been wasting away because of it.  
“Ara~ what do we have here” a woman's voice rang out.  
Jason turned to see a tall woman dressed in violet lingerie. She had a set of leathery wings on her back furled up neatly and a small tail swishing casually on her behind. Her hair was short and purple and she looked like she could crush a melon between her thighs.  
“A girl.... AND a gamer? Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! eyes pop out AROOOOOOOOGA! jaw drops tongue rolls out WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF tongue bursts out of the mouth uncontrollably leaking face and everything in reach WURBLWUBRLBWURblrwurblwurlbrwubrlwburlwbruwrlblwublr tiny cupid shoots an arrow through heart Ahhhhhhhhhhh me lady... heart in the shape of a heart starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum milk truck crashes into a bakery store in the background spiling white liquid and dough on the streets BABY WANTS TO FUCK inhales from the gas tank honka honka honka honka masturabtes furiously ohhhh my gooooodd~”  
The succubus winced.  
“Yes, I’ll be your gamer girl” she said awkwardly.  
Jason, blinded by the prospect of snacks and a girlfriend who wasn’t five foot three began to approach the succubus, reaching for her boobies.  
Just as he got into melee range, the succubus’s perfectly manicured hand began to grow long nails resembling that of a cats. She swiped at Jason’s face, knocking him back.  
“Ohohoho” she laughed “what an idiot! This will be my easiest target yet!”  
“The gamer girl...betrayed me?” Jason placed a hand on his face, feeling blood dripping down it.  
“Usually I have intercourse with my targets to kill them, but you’re so gross I couldn’t stand having sex with you!”  
The succubus’s words reminded Jason of his girlfriend.  
“Wow that’s exactly like something Katie would say” Jason smiled thinking about his e-girl. A text box appeared above Jason’s head.  
**New Buff!**  
**E-couple (Duration: 30 minutes): Memories of your s/o has caused your damage and defense to be boosted by 10%!**  
“Feh, I hate couples” Mohamed's voice could be heard from his own dream where he was currently being stood on by a white blonde girl.  
“Yes! The power of love can help me defeat this old hag!” Jason took out his rapier and began casing Shivas Ice.  
“I may be physically weak, but my movement makes me untouchable!” the succubus cackled as she disappeared into thin air.  
“What the-” a sharp stabbing pain went through Jason’s back as the succubus pierced him with her large claws.  
“Ohohoho!” she kicked Jason down to the floor and placed her high heeled boot on his throat “any last words?”  
Despite his weakened state, Jason found the energy to kick his leg up placing a hard blow to the succubus's booty. She faltered a bit allowing Jason to stab her with his rapier. The succubus suddenly stood still, her body freezing up from her feet. His 10% chance of frozen had hit!  
“Wow! Lucky!” Jason smiled as he pierced through the ice directly to the succubus. That was all it took to defeat the demon. The ice shattered and her body began to disintegrate.  
The dream began to fade away and Jason woke up, still near the fountain in the centre of town.  
“I hope my friends are okay” he said out loud. Like clockwork the others began to wake up. It seemed the succubus could manifest in multiple dreams at once and Jason had just lucked out being able to defeat her in his.  
“Ugh I had the most awful dream” Katie groaned.  
“Likewise” Queen Natasha yawned.  
“Really I was having a great dream” Mohamed looked disappointed his dream was over.  
The three turned to Jason who unlike them stood upright.  
“You fellas can thank me later!” he smiled.


	7. Sir Carlos

“Wow! What a fun filler chapter!” Katie said as they continued to make their way to the barracks.  
“What the hell are you talking about?” Jason asked.  
“There’s the barracks” Queen Natasha pointed to a large building in front of the group “Sir Carlos should be inside. Are you lot ready?”  
“Ready spaghetti!” Jason grinned.  
“Feh, ready as I’ll ever be” Mohamed said.  
“Mohamed said my opinions don’t matter, so I guess I’m ready too!” Katie stuck her tongue out cutely.  
Queen Natasha stroked Cal’s head a little for comfort before leading the party into the building. The inside was dark and musty with cobwebs clinging to the walls. Corpses littered the ground, all of them wearing the same type of armour as the guards at the edge of the city. Queen Natasha avoided looking at the dead bodies, simply heading towards the groups destination of the armoury.  
“It was Sir Carlos’s favourite place” Queen Natasha explained “he always loved to play with the guns” a single tear rolled down her face.  
“Guns?! In a fantasy isekai?!” Jason’s image of the universe he was in suddenly changed dramatically.  
The group arrived at an imposing set of doors.  
“Just through here” Queen Natasha opened the door a little but then turned to the party “be ready for anything”  
The three readied their weapons as Natasha opened the door all the way. The armoury was a large room with various weapons laid out on tables ranging from swords, axes, and even unconventional weapons such as shurikens and katanas.  
“We pride ourselves on having a large and diverse armoury” Queen Natasha explained.  
“Quiet woman!” Mohamed hissed. He silently pointed to a figure hunched over a table, running an armoured hand across a sword.  
The figure stood upright realising it had been spotted and turned to the group achingly slowly. It was more armour than man, with a full set of metallic armour covering it from head to toe. There was not a single part of the figure that could be identified, no face to see or even any skin exposed.  
“Sir Carlos, no, demon…” Queen Natasha took out her grimoire “prepare to meet your end!”  
“Y-yeah!” Jason began to cower in the presence of the imposing demon “don’t mess with us!”  
Sir Carlos moved slowly towards the group. His movement looked forced and awkward, like he was being puppeted.  
“Feh, he’s so slow. This will be easy” Mohamed shot an arrow at the approaching knight. The arrow simply hit the armour with a small ‘dink’ and fell to the ground.  
“Idiot, you really think a piddly little arrow will do anything to my greatest knight?” Queen Natasha sighed.  
“His armour looks impenetrable” Katie said in a worried voice “what are we supposed to do?”  
“His armour is vulnerable to magic” Queen Natasha approached Sir Carlos stationary body “allow me to deal with it”  
“Feh, this will be easy” Mohamed sat back to observe Queen Natasha.  
Queen Natasha began chanting a spell when a small groan came out from underneath the knights helmet.  
“Queen...Natasha?” Sir Carlos muttered.  
Queen Natasha abruptly stopped casting her spelled and stared at Sir Carlos in awe.  
“Don’t think I’ll fall for your tricks, demon!” her body began to tremble.  
“Queen Natasha...please help me…” Sir Carlos’s voice was strained and raspy.  
“I can’t help you, demon!”  
“Shouldn’t we help her?” Jason suggested to the group as they watched the scene in front of them.  
“Feh, it’ll be fine” Mohamed pulled out his dagger and slunk into the shadows.  
“We should trust Mohamed, Jason!” Katie said.  
“Please...help me” Sir Carlos reached out a hand to Queen Natasha.  
The witch observed the held out hand for a moment. Her emotions got the better of her and she began to delicately place a hand into his.  
Mohamed smiled to himself. Everything was unfolding just as he had planned. He rushed towards Sir Carlos, dagger in hand, to deal a blow to the leather padding between his elbows in the hopes of stunning him. As he did, Sir Carlos pulled Queen Natasha in closer. To Jason and Katie, it seemed he was pulling her in for a friendly embrace but the pained noises coming from Queen Natasha said otherwise. Mohamed stopped in his tracks as he saw the possessed knight swiftly thrust a sword into Queen Natasha’s stomach.  
The Queen fell to her knees, still clutching onto Sir Carlos’s hand.  
“This wasn’t supposed to happen…” Mohamed murmured to himself. He couldn’t help but stand paralysed as blood began to slowly pool around Queen Natasha’s feet.  
“Natasha!” Katie ran towards the NPC version of her friend and knelt down beside her “are you okay?! Let me heal you!”  
“Feh, idiot! You should know you can't heal NPC’s!” Mohamed yelled at Katie.  
“Well that’s a dumb rule!” Katie whined. Mohamed turned away from her, unable to look her in the eyes.  
“It’s okay” Queen Natasha groaned. She pulled out the Valeo Scortum from her satchel and passed it to Katie “please save my kingdom”  
Queen Natasha slumped over silently. Katie looked up to see Sir Carlos pull his hand away from hers swiftly.  
“This is bad” Mohamed began to panic “we don’t have any magic abilities to defeat him with!”  
Katie looked down at her friend's body. She picked up the grimoire Queen Natasha had dropped after her scuffle with Sir Carlos.  
“Forgive me Natasha!” Katie took the grimoire and opened it scholarly.

**New Weapon Obtained!**   
**Name: Katie**   
**Primary Weapon: Love stick**   
**Secondary Weapon: Natasha’s Grimoire**

“Uwah! So cool!” Katie beamed.  
“Check your abilities, Katie! You might have gained something to help us!” Jason suggested.  
Katie opened a text box showing her abilities.

**Abilities:**   
**Auttoattack: Katie can attack with her signature Love Stick or Natasha’s Grimoire. Natasha’s Grimoire deals unaspected magic damage.**   
**Kiss of Life: Katie blows a kiss to an ally and restores 20% of their HP. A direct kiss gives a bonus 5% healing.**   
**Tsundere Mode: Katie insults an enemy reducing their defence by 10%. After this move has been used, Katie cannot heal for 1 turn**

“Awww the only thing that changed was my auttoattack” Katie sniffled.  
“No! This is perfect!” Jason flipped his cape dramatically “Mohamed! Distract Carlos while Katie spams her auttoattack!”  
“What why me?” Mohamed said.  
Just as he spoke, Sir Carlos swung his sword at Mohamed. Thankfully, he dodged gracefully due to his light armour.  
“Just do it, dumbo!” Jason yelled at his friend.  
Mohamed continued to dodge Sir Carlos’s slow but powerful attacks all while Katie used her newly acquired grimoire to attack him.  
“Feh, predictable!” Mohamed looked like he was dancing as he allowed Katie to continue her spam onslaught.  
The armour slowly started to chip away, exposing Sir Carlos’s weakened body. A small part of his chest piece fell to the ground giving the three an opening to use their physical attacks.  
“Let’s go fellas! It’s time for an all out attack!” Jason charged forward.  
Katie hit the opening with her Love Stick, Mohamed stabbed it with his dagger and Jason poked it with his rapier. Sir Carlos keeled over, similar to Queen Natasha. His body knelt on the floor beside hers and a strange dark aura began to surround his body.  
“That must be the demon leaving his body! Katie, get the whatchamacallit!”  
“I’m on it!” Katie fumbled out of stress and dropped the instrument on the ground. The aura that surrounded Sir Carlos’s body ascended into the air.  
“How troubling” a deep voice echoed from the aura “whatever, I’ve always wanted to be a twink!” it began to dart towards Jason.  
“Katie you idiot!” Mohamed ducked to the ground and picked up the Valeo Scortum “you’re nothing but a mistake! You die, now!”  
The dark aura stopped abruptly and began to get sucked into the instrument.  
“How dare you?! Release me immediately!”  
“Feh, sorry. I don’t negotiate with demons” Mohamed shrugged his shoulders.  
“Ooh so cool” Katie looked at the Valeo Scortum in Mohamed's hands. A dark cloud swirled around inside it like a demonic lava lamp.  
“I can’t believe a lil’ cloud could cause so much destruction” Jason turned to Sir Carlos and Queen Natasha’s bodies resting on the ground.  
“Yeah, it sucks we can’t just take them to an inn and revive them” Katie sniffled “they’re gone forever”  
Mohamed stared solemnly at the corpses.  
“You two go back to the town and inform the knights what happened. I’ll stay back for now”  
“Are you sure?” Jason asked his friend.  
“Yes, I’ll make sure no one comes to desecrate the bodies”  
“We’ll be quick, Mohamed!” Katie and Jason left Mohamed in the armory with the bodies of their friends.  
“I’m sorry…” Mohamed looked down at the two corpses “I messed up. I’ll be thorough next time”


	8. Cats The Musical

“Next stop, Tumblria!” Jason pointed to a city neighbouring Skyperia on his map.  
“Y’know I’m starting to notice a naming convention with these towns” Katie pointed out.  
“How so?” Jason asked.  
“They all...end in ia” she nodded triumphantly.  
After liberating Skyperia the group made their way to their next destination. According to Jason’s isekai knowledge, the closest town over should be their next stop. Thus, they arrived in Tumblria.  
Tumblria was a lot larger than the other towns they had been to. Large buildings loomed over the streets, moreso resembling a modern day city than a fantasy setting. However, the dirty streets and broken windows left something to be desired. It was as if the city had been completely abandoned by all human life.  
The sound of soft paws against the road could be heard and the party looked down to see a cat stood upright in front of them.  
“Whaaat the fuck…” Mohamed murmured.  
“Meow nyame is Smonk :3” the cat said.  
“Awww so cute!” Katie’s face lit up “it’s like a palico from Monster Hunter!”  
“Welcome to Tumblria :o” the cat continued “meow dad will want to see you :3”  
“I know this trope!” Jason said “the designated furry bait!”  
The other two looked down at the cute cat in front of them.  
“This isn’t furry bait” Mohamed said “what’s happening?”  
“She’s just a cute little kitty! I bet everyone else who lives here looks like this!”  
Smonk led them through the city causing Katie’s theory was proven wrong instantly. The citizens were mostly half naked people with cat ears and tails and the occasional cat that looked like Smonk.  
“Wow! This is just like The Quicksand in hit game Final Fantasy XIV!” Jason said admiring the cat booty that surrounded them.  
“Psst” Katie nudged Mohamed “isn’t this place supposed to be infested with demons?”  
“I don’t know...I don’t know what's happening” Mohamed was spaced out and didn’t even look down to talk to his friend. He just stared straight ahead, lost in a daze.  
“Our great city was founded not long ago by King Conra :3” Smonk said “we have no laws or rules so feel free to go hog wild >3<”  
“Why does it look like a modern day city?” Katie asked.  
“I dunno! @3@” Smonk replied.  
“Is King Conra your dad?” Jason asked excitedly even though he already knew the answer.  
“Nyope! Meow dad is Prince Kale” Smonk gave a toothy cat grin.  
Katie let out the longest groan she could.  
“Who the hell is Kale?” Mohamed asked.  
“He’s the Prince, duh” Jason said.  
Smonk lead the group to a large office like building. She took a key card out of her tiny bag and swiped it on a card reader. The doors opened with a hissing noise showing the technologies age.  
“Meow dad lives on the third floor and King Conra lives on the fifth o:” Smonk said as she lead them to the elevator.  
“What’s the fourth floor for?” Katie asked.  
“Meow dad said I’m not allowed there! :3” Smonk answered innocently.  
The elevator ascended slowly. The group jumped a little when a small ‘ping’ went off through the elevators speakers and the doors opened. Smonk walked through the corridor to a set of dainty, marble doors. Two cat-boy butlers bowed as she walked up to doors, one of them welcoming her home and calling her ‘Princess Smonk’.  
The butlers opened the door for them obediently. As soon as the doors opened the group was hit with a foul stench like a mixture of cat fur and bodily fluids.  
“What’s that smell?” Katie bought the collar of her priests uniform to her nose.  
“It’s ***, I’d recognise it anywhere” Mohamed smirked at his keen sense of smell.  
“What’s ***?” Katie asked innocently.  
The room looked like a set for a movie. The floors and walls were made out of a pure white marble mimicking the doors that led into the room. Cream couches lined the walls and in the centre was a coffee table with three benches around it and a porcelain tea set in the centre. On the left bench sat orange haired cat-girls and on the right sat red haired cat-girls. The centre bench was occupied by a black haired cat-boy.  
“I hate segregation…” Jason said as a single tear rolled down his face.  
“Dad, I am home :3” Smonk ran up to her father and jumped up to the bench to sit next to him, her little cat paws dangling off the edge.  
“Welcome home Smonk” Prince Kale petted his daughters head “who’s this incel?” he pointed at Jason.  
“The names Jason!” Jason straightened his back “you may not know this, but in the real world, we’re best friends!”  
“What the fuck are you talking about” Prince Kale snorted.  
“So, these are your friends?” Mohamed leaned over and whispered to Katie.  
“Yup! Jason’s too. I dunno what they’re doing here” Katie whispered back.  
“Me neither…” Mohamed said to himself.  
“I found them outside the city :3 I thought they could help with your quest :o” Smonk said to her father.  
“Ah! A quest! We, team Jason, shall help you anyway we can!” Jason said heriocly.  
“God shut up” Prince Kale scowled.  
“Yeah Jason” Katie stuck her tongue out at her boyfriend.  
“You too, incel” Prince Kale pointed at Katie.  
“I’m not an incel…” Katie sniffled.  
“The quest I’m about to give you is of utmost importance” Prince Kale leaned forward dramatically “I...am hungry could you get me something to eat”  
The three stood there in silence.  
“I would like some egg fried rice, you may leave now” Prince Kale continued but the three just continued to stand in awe.  
“Are you three deaf, get to work!” the cat-boy yelled.  
“No it’s just...we’ve fought goblins and saved an entire city. You really just want us to make you food?” Jason looked disappointed.  
“That shouldn’t be too hard for your little brain should it?” Prince Kale motioned to one of his cat-girls “red haired cat-girl #3! Give them the recipe!”  
One of the cat-girls stood up and passed a note to Katie. It contained a recipe for egg fried rice.

**Recipe Obtained!**  
**Egg Fried Rice (rice, egg, soy sauce)**

“Looks easy enough” Katie scratched her head.  
“Like I said, easy enough, right? If you do this for me I’ll reward you two” Prince Kale said.  
“Uh, I think you mean ‘you three’, Kale” Jason laughed nervously.  
“Nah, you don’t count” Prince Kale laughed to himself.

* * *

“Right! It’s time to get to work” Katie put on an authoritative voice as she started to give out orders to the two. They had just left the building and were feeling a little lost regarding their quest.  
“Can’t you just do all the work, femoid? It’s cooking it should come natural to you” Mohamed sneered.  
“Yes, I may be the designated person with the cooking skill around here but I still need help with the ingredients!”  
Katie opened up the recipe list again and began to think.  
“Hm...Jason. There should be some wild dodo birds on the city outskirts. I think they drop eggs so try there”  
“Got it, bae!” Jason smiled as he ran off.  
“Mohamed, there are some farms in Skyperia I remember so see if they have rice”  
“Why do I have to go all the way back there?” Mohamed complained.  
“Because I have little legs and you have strong legs to carry you back there” Katie said softly.  
“Feh, we’ll meet back here, correct?” Mohamed asked.  
“Ah yeah, I shoulda told Jason that before he ran off” Katie looked worried.  
“I’m sure he’ll figure it out” Mohamed shrugged.  
Jason did as he was told and obtained eggs for Katie diligently. Mohamed travelled back to Skyperia to steal rice from the farms around the town and Katie negotiated with the merchants around the city for a bottle of soy sauce.  
“It wasn’t easy” Katie recounted her day to her friends as they reunited outside Prince Kales tower “these merchants only deal in catnip and balls of yarn”  
“Ha, I get it, cos they’re cats!” Jason explained the joke to the two who stared at him blankly.  
“Let me cook up the rice real quick and we can head back in” Katie set up a bonfire on the floor and began crafting away.  
“Y’know, shouldn’t Kale be super mega hungry by now?” Jason questioned.  
“He’s an NPC, idiot, they don’t really feel hunger” Mohamed said.  
Once Katie had finished her cooking they went back into the building and took the elevator to Prince Kale’s floor.  
“Here you go, Kale! A bowl of egg fried rice!” Jason presented the meal to the cat-boy.  
“That’s ‘Prince Kale’ to you” Prince Kale took a bit of rice and slowly chewed “not bad, but it could be better”  
“God I’m a failure” Katie began to cry into Jason’s sleeve.  
“Orange haired cat-girl #1, give them their rewards!”  
An orange haired cat-girl stood up and gave Katie and Mohamed a standard reward each of currency and experience points.  
“Now, Jason, I know I said I wasn’t going to reward you but I prepared something special just for you”  
“Really bro?!” Jason smiled like an idiot.  
The orange haired cat-girl handed Jason a shortsword.

**New Weapon Obtained!**  
**Name: Jason**  
**Primary Weapon: Neptunes Rapier**  
**Secondary Weapon: Kale’s Sword**

“Awww thanks bro, I’ll treasure it forever” Jason smiled at his best friends gesture.  
“You’re welcome” Kale couldn’t hold back his laughter.  
“It looks like it’s enchanted” Mohamed observed.  
“It is” Kale turned his head away and laughed into his hand “you wanna know what the enchantment is?”  
“Yeah, bro!” Jason smiled.  
Jason opened the items description.

I**tem Name: Kale’s Sword**  
**Description: A shortsword given to Jason by Kale. The bigger the users **** the weapon will deal bonus damage.**

Jason slowly turned to see how much bonus damage he got.

**Bonus Damage: +0**

Jason screamed. He had been juked. Prince Kale laughed to himself in the background and Katie and Mohamed couldn’t help but laugh to themselves too.  
“You guys stop laughing!” Jason whined.  
“I’m sorry bae” Katie wiped tears out of her eyes “but it is kinda funny”  
“It’s not!” Jason screeched.  
The festivities were suddenly interrupted by a voice coming out of a speaker in the corner of the room.  
“Will the 3 adventurers please make their way to floor five” it said.  
The room fell deadly silent.  
“Who is that?” Mohamed asked.  
“King Conra” Prince Kale responded.


	9. Not Today Demons

The three were escorted to King Conra’s throne room by Smonk.   
“Good luck :/” she said to them before the doors of the elevator they came in shut the three in the throne room.   
The room was almost entirely dark but illuminated by bright blue furniture. Blue curtains shut off any light from the outside and a blue haired cat-boy sat upon a blue throne.   
“This is just like that one Marina song” Katie smiled.   
“Shut up about Marina shut up about Marina shut up about Marina-” Jason was suddenly cut off by a low voice.  
“Hello, adventurers” King Conra muttered “I trust you know why I’ve summoned you here”  
“Nope!” Jason said.  
“This may be an anarchy, but we aren’t too keen on outsiders”  
“Really, everyone’s been pretty nice” Katie observed.  
“Feh...I hate racism” Mohamed said.  
“I’m not too keen on outsiders” Conra’s eyes avoided the party “I recommend you leave now”  
“Hm…..I feel like you’re hiding something” Jason held his chin scholarly.   
“I know he’s hiding something!” Katie said.  
“Feh, maybe one of you can use your magic to get the truth out of him”  
“Our magic is only for turn based combat purposes” Katie rolled her eyes.  
“The truth is…” Conra took a deep sigh “your reputation as demon slayers has put me on edge”  
“Huh? But we only slay demons!” Jason shrugged his shoulders “and goblins!”  
“Exactly…” Conra slumped back in his throne.   
The cogs in the parties brains began to churn.   
“Wait…” Jason started  
“You’re…” Mohamed continued.  
“Vampires?!” Katie exclaimed.  
The two looked at her with blank faces. King Conra let out a deep sigh.  
“No you femoid they’re demons!” Mohamed bonked Katies head.  
“Yes, we are demons” King Conra turned to the party “we are known as ‘bakeneko’”  
“Ah...化け猫” Katie muttered.  
“What the fuck did you just say” Conras ears folded down.  
“That doesn’t make any sense though” Jason placed his chin in his palm in thought.  
“Actually it makes perfect sense” Mohamed said “remember, only Twitteria and Discordia were free from demons”  
“But they’ve all been so nice to us” Jason whimpered.  
“One of them gave you a sword just to make fun of your dick size, Jason” Katie said.  
“Well, whatever!” Jason screeched.  
“It is a shame, but I cannot allow you to be here any longer” Conra looked to the floor in sadness.  
“Feh, well it’s a shame...that you’ll have to die!” Mohamed drew his bow and shot at the King. For a split second, Conra was caught off guard but his feline reflexes allowed him to doge it easily.  
“I don’t want to fight, you imbecile!” Conra hissed.  
“I don’t want to fight either but…” Katie drew her staff “we have to rid this world of demons”  
“Hey fellas, calm down” Jason panicked “let’s just move onto the next city okay?”  
“Yes, that would be wise” Conra brandished his claws at the party. 

* * *

  
“Mannn this sucks” Katie sighed. The three were outside the building, readying to leave Tumblria for good.  
“Jason we could have taken him on” Mohamed rolled his eyes.  
“We might have, but no way to Sunday could we have taken on the whole city” Jason replied.  
The three stood in silence when they heard a cute humming noise coming from nearby. They turned to see a cat that looked a little like Smonk holding a paint brush in her paws, trailing it across a blank canvas. She filled in the canvas completely then suddenly a strange aura surrounded the cat.  
“Damage buff!” the cat exclaimed as she put away her art supplies.  
“Hey, hey” Katie curiously approached the cat “what did you just do?”  
“Me?” the cat placed a paw on her chest “I gave myself a damage buff!”  
“By...painting?” Katie asked.  
“I’m an art mage!” the cat grimaced “I paint and it casts spells! I damage buffed myself because I’m about to head off to protect the city!”  
“Protect it from what, furball?” Mohamed approached the two.  
“It’s Smink...” the cat looked upset “and I’m protecting it from those demons invading from Discordia!”  
“You are a bakeneko right? So you’re a demon yourself?” Katie dumped her questions on Smink.  
“Ah, you must be a little confused. Allow me…” Smink took out her painting supplies again “to explain!”  
Smink drew what appeared to be a large city, similar in fashion to Twitteria.  
“This is Discordia! It got invaded by demons some time ago”  
“Hold on slow down” Jason said.  
Smink continued to draw the city being infested with demons. The demons looked monstrous, almost Lovecraftian and not just because they were racist. However, off to the side of the demons was a group of bakeneko fleeing from the rest of the demons.  
“We bakeneko may be demons, but don’t get us wrong, the others are like animals but we are very aware”  
“But you furballs still invaded Discordia?” Mohamed said.  
Smink took out another canvas and drew Tumblria. It was completely empty without any of the bakeneko wandering around it like the party was used to.  
“We only exist because of the demons invasion, but we wanted no part of it. Tumblria has been abandoned for some time thus we set up home here”  
“So you...don’t want to hurt anyone?” Katie started to feel a little bit guilty.  
“We’re just trying to survive like all you humans. The demons from Discordia regularly attack us just as they attack you”  
“Damn...this shit is whack” Jason clenched his fists.  
“If you’re willing, we could use some help fending off the demons” Smink said “you look like a capable party”  
“Yeah! We’re team Jason y’know! Demon hunters-”  
Katie smacked her boyfriend before he could finish.  
“We’d love to help you” Katie beamed.

* * *

  
Smink escorted the party to the outskirts. There was already a group of bakeneko fighting demons. The demons had long slender bodies with leathery wings perched high on their shoulders. They looked like bats almost, but with boney arms and legs trailing behind them as they assaulted the bakeneko from the sky.  
“You ever seen castlevania, you guys?” Katie said.  
“What did you say?” Smink turned to the priestess.  
They were cut off though by a demon swooping low and attacking them with its talons. The four of them lept down but still suffered damages.  
“Aah, it ripped my clothes” Katie whimpered, the bottom side of her uniform being ripped slightly to expose her thigh.  
Jason eagerly turned to his e-girl, his tongue cartoonishly hanging out of his mouth.  
“Hey at least you didn't get it as bad as Jason” Mohamed pointed to the purple boy.  
“Whatdya mean-” Jason looked down. The demon had ripped his clothes in a way that exposed his cleavage!   
“Uwaah don’t look!” Jason covered his chest.  
“I will avenge Jasons dignity!” Smink took out her canvas and drew a lightning strike on it. An aura surrounded her as lightning suddenly shot out of her hands and struck the demon. It fell out of the sky and began convulsing on the floor.  
“It’s toppled! Now is our chance!” Jason exclaimed.  
“Alright lets beat some ass” Mohamed said.  
The four assaulted the demon until it let out a loud shriek and dissipated.   
“Hey, we did it! Our first demon kill!” Katie gave out a sigh of relief.   
The four continued to slay demons left and right. Despite it being late game they were surprisingly easy to handle thanks to Sminks magic.  
“I wanna take a break” Katie whined, plomping her butt onto the grass.  
“Katie people are fucking dying” Mohamed said.  
“But my legs ache!”  
She stared up at the sky, it was night time now. To think just a few hours ago she was cooking egg fried rice. Now she was staring up at the gaping maw of a canine esque demon.  
“Wait..” she said out loud. A thin trail of drool landed on her face as she realised what was happening  
Katie let out a scream as the demon went in to bite her with its shark like teeth.   
“MyonlyregretiskinningRyodevilman!” Katie uttered her final words as she braced to be vored.   
The world stopped suddenly. She looked up to see the demon had become immobile. It let out a groan then slumped over next to Katie, lifeless.  
“What the-” Katie sat up. Standing before her was...Whylar.  
“Stupid bimbo” Whylar muttered.   
“What are you...doing here?” Katie asked.  
Whylar pointed her axe towards Jason and Mohamed.  
“Do not trust him, thoticus”  
“Who, Jason?” Katie looked to where her axe was pointing then turned back to Whylar, but the axewoman had disappeared.  
“Maybe it was all an illusion” Katie stared into space.  
“I’m still here, dumbass” Whylar could be heard in the distance.  
“Hm...truly a mystery”

* * *

  
“And then this big doggie attacked me and then Whylar, appearing as a figment of my own guilt, appeared and killed it” Katie explained to her simps what had happened.  
“Whylar huh…” Mohamed muttered “was James with her?”  
“Nope!”  
“Ha, that man do be simpin’!” Jason said thinking about James.  
“Which is odd as to why he wouldn’t be there” Mohamed commented “why was she even here in the first place”  
“The demons have backed off!” Smink jumped for joy as she inserted herself into the groups circle “thank you so much for your help!”  
“Epic!” Jason said.  
“Radical!” Katie said.  
“Feh, guess thats a good thing” Mohamed said.  
“As a treat, I’ll give you all a night at the local hot springs!” Smink beamed.  
“Hot springs!?” the three shouted in unison. 


	10. Uwah! The Hot Springs Episode!

“Every good anime has a hot springs episode!” Jason mansplained to his gf. The three were in the changing rooms getting ready for their steamy bath sessions.  
“I see but…” Katie peered over her shoulder “I don’t know if I really want Mohamed here too”  
Mohamed was standing and staring as the twink undressed.  
“Maybe later tonight we can go on by ourselves though?” Katie hinted.  
“No that’d be gay” Jason said.  
“Katie, why are you still wearing your underwear?” Mohamed commented.  
“Jason is allergic to vaginas”   
Inside the hot springs the three relaxed under the comforting warmth of the water. Katie rested her mouth under the water and looked like she was about to fall asleep, Jason placed his hands behind his shoulders in a relaxed position, occasionally sneezing and Mohamed sat off to a corner brooding.   
“Feh, I guess this is nice” Mohamed said.  
“Usually something sexy would have happened by now” Jason looked down in disappointment.  
“None of us are sexy enough to warrant anything lewd happening” Mohamed rolled his eyes at the twinks stupidity.  
“I think Jason is sexy!” Katie smiled.  
“Silence femoid”  
After a small moment of silence Katie chimed in.  
“If there was more girls we could do that thing where we compare breast sizes”   
“Yeah, too bad there's only guys with weewees and nutsies” Jason said.  
The three looked at each other. 

* * *

  
“Mine are clearly bigger!” Jason screeched.  
“Feh, those little pine nuts” Mohamed bm’d his friend.  
Katie was enjoying the arguing when suddenly she saw something lurking around the hot springs. She rubbed her eyes and focused her vision, making out a dark figure amongst the foliage surrounding the springs.  
“Hey, guys-” she said.  
“No wonder you can't get a gf with those pathetic, shrivelled up stress balls attached to a dingaling!” Jason said, immediately feeling guilty.  
A single tear rolled down Mohameds face “not cool bro”.  
“I think there’s something here-” Katie continued.  
“Look, sorry bro. You know I love you bro” Jason held Mohamed in his arms and stroked his hair.  
“Yeah, I know bro” the tears streamed down Mohameds face.  
“Would you two please listen!” Katie started to panic as the figure was moving closer.  
“Silence femoid!” the two boys said in unison when suddenly a dark figure pounced out of the bushes. It was humanoid, almost like a zombie with a slouched back and a tattered Rick and Morty shirt it had obtained in a loot crate.  
“Is that a demon?!” Katie yelled.  
“No…” its voice was hushed and raspy “I’m a redditor”   
The three stared at it.  
“And I’m also a demon”  
“Good thing I kept my weapon close by!” Jason picked up his rapier that had been resting beside the hot spring. Next to it was Katies’ staff and Mohameds bow. The other two retrieved their weapons too. Under the cover of the hot spring, Mohamed also pulled out his dagger.  
“Where were you hiding that?” Jason asked.  
“Heh, wouldn’t you like to know pretty boy”  
“Akshually, you three have made a grave error. You see, you can’t exit the hot springs without fear of exposing yourselves. I simply have to attack using ranged spells and I’ve won” the demon explained smugly.  
“Uwah! It’s true! Only Jason’s allowed to see me like that!” Katie whined.  
Jason tilted his head down and started to chuckle.  
“What are you laughing at femboy? Was my quip really that awesome bacon reddit gold worthy?”  
“No it’s just...it's you who has made a grave error!” Jason pointed dramatically at the demon.  
A frame showing the characters reaction using a split screen appeared, all of them in shock.  
“Y’see, this fic is rated teen which means we’re not allowed to show anything lewd! If I exit the hot springs like so-” Jason stood up and approached the demon, the water slowly un-obscuring his crotch.  
“Jason, stop! I’m gonna get arrested!” Katie panicked.  
But as Jason was fully exposed, something strange happened. A convenient fog covered his crotch. It was steam from the hot springs!  
“See…” Jason said smugly.  
“Impossible! This is so oof F cringe!” The demon threw back its head and clung onto it like an ace attorney breakdown.  
“So, if I get up…” Katie followed her boyfriend. Sure enough the steam covered her breasts as she got out.  
“Wow! Jason you’re so talented” she attached herself to her boyfriend's arm.  
“Feh, very cunning Jason” Mohamed joined his friends.  
With the steam covering Jason and Mohameds dinky doos and Katie’s milkers, they drew their weapons.  
The demon was still in shock, but slowly put its arms down and started laughing.   
“Feh, what’s so funny?” Mohamed sneered.  
“Your armour rating is still 0” the demon chuckled darkly “I still win”  
“Look, a logical fallacy!” Katie pointed to the distance.  
“Where!?” the demon spun around.  
Katie took the opportunity to kick it behind the knees, causing it to fall over.  
“Ready for a chain attack?” she smiled.  
The three beat the demon senseless. Even with their lowered stats, it perished easily due to its vitamin D deficiency.  
“Urk…” the demon lay on the ground “please...wipe my internet history”  
“You aren’t funny” Mohamed said, plunging his dagger into the demon. It dissipated into a dark substance before them.  
“Phew, that was scary” Katie whimpered “Jason hold me”  
“No, Jason, hold me” Mohamed said.  
“I can hold both of you fellas!” Jason smiled like a dork. 

* * *

  
After their night at the hot springs, Smink escorted the party to King Conra to plead their continued entry into the city. It turned out Smink was good friends with Princess Smonk and thus could pull some strings to allow the party safety from Conra’s warranted fear of them.  
After hearing about the parties assistance with demons, Conra cautiously allowed them to continue their business in the city, though he suggested they make their way to Discordia.  
“Yes! Finally the final area!” Jason exclaimed.  
The party was being sent off by all the friends they had made in Tumblria. Prince Kale, Princess Smonk, Smink. Conra was busy playing VR un chat.  
“Hope that sword I gave you will help you, bro” Kale smirked.  
“Just fuck of…” Jason clenched his fist.  
“By the way, why are some of you cats and others cat people?” Katie questioned.  
“When we’re kids we’re cats, but when we’re adults we become cat people u3u” Smonk said.  
“It’s because the author couldn't decide if she wanted us to look like palico or miqote” Smink commented. Katie pulled at the hem of her collar.  
Mohamed stood off the side, seemingly lost in thought. Katie approached her friend.  
“Are you okay, Mohamed? Do you wanna say goodbye?” she asked.  
“Feh, I’m fine”  
“Well, alright” Katie sighed.  
“Who...are these people anyway?” Mohamed asked in a worried voice.  
“They’re mine and Jason's friends” Katie nodded “isn’t this isekai amazing? All of our friends are here, huh?”  
Katie wandered off, leaving her friend to his brooding.  
“Mistakes...all of you” Mohamed glared at the bakeneko, clenching his dagger tight.


	11. The End Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this while listening to the bloodborne ost lmao

Discordia was truly a sight to behold. Far larger than the other areas the party had visited, it was surrounded by a towering wall, though that offered little protection as the wall was starting to deteriorate with age. The three gamers followed a path which led to a large set of wooden doors. The doors were thrown wide, as if to invite the party in.  
“Wow, kinda like attack on titan ain’t it, fellas” Jason said.  
“Perhaps, though the architecture is more like bloodborne” Katie seemed lost in thought.  
“Sorry I’m allergic to western games” Jason scoffed.  
“Bloodborne isn’t-”  
“Feh, would you two quiet down?!” Mohamed snapped “this is the final area, we must be alert”  
The interior of Discordia looked similar to Skyperia with gothic architecture. There was a looming set of thunder clouds over the city, enhancing the ambience. The streets and houses seemed to surround a much larger building that looked like a tower.  
“Do you think that’s where we’ll find the final boss?” asked Katie.  
“It looks very final dungeon-y” Jason said.  
“Y’know, this isekai doesn’t really have a main villain” Katie commented.  
“Feh, it seems that way” Mohamed looked off to one side.  
“It almost feels like we haven’t been on a very structured quest and rather a hastily written isekai comedy with just vague allusions to a much higher power-”   
“Silence femoid” Mohamed said.  
The streets were eerily quiet. Every now and again the party would hear a bump or see a shadow twitch then suddenly disappear at which point they’d ready their weapons but nothing ever came of it.  
“Maybe all the demons are just scared of us” Jason laughed nervously.  
His two friends laughed with him, though they were clearly on edge as well.  
The atmosphere only got heavier as they went further in. Market stalls had been picked clean of just about everything and there clearly signs of life. A tuft of fur here, a lit fire there but still no random encounters.  
“Uwah! The stress is killing me! Someone crack a lewd joke or something!” Katie screamed.  
“No time for dat Katie…” Jason stopped in his tracks and pointed ahead of him. Without even realising it they had reached the tower.  
“Let’s hope it's like that one dungeon in mum isekai” Katie sighed.  
“What the fuck is a ‘mum’?” Mohamed scowled.  
Unlike the rest of the city the tower seemed like it had been well taken care of. It was unnaturally clean despite sharing a similar aesthetic with the surrounding buildings.  
“I’ve seen this plenty of times before fellas” Jason reassured his friends “we simply climb to the top, fight the final boss and then we’ll get to go home!”  
“Are you sure it will be that simple?” Mohamed murmured.  
“Huh? Did you say something Mohamed?” Jason turned to his friend.  
“No!” Mohamed said in that way he says ‘no’ I have no idea how to describe it.  
The three went up a set of the stairs on the bottom floor, leading them to a large empty space with another set of stairs on the opposite end of the room.   
“Guess we just gotta keep climbing-” Jason was cut off by the stairs suddenly disappearing.   
“Damnit! A random encounter?” Mohamed readied his weapon.  
A small cluster of imp like demons appeared in front of them.  
“Pfft, this should be easy, just use AOE skills” Jason said. The three stood in silence.  
“We...don’t know any AOE skills” Mohamed said.  
“I can kiss them all of you’d like” Katie giggled.  
“No, no I would not like that” Jason facepalmed.   
“Jason, you tank them and I’ll burn them down” Mohamed ordered.  
“What should I do?” Katie asked.  
“Stand there and don’t mess up”  
“Mm...no promises”  
Jason did as he was told and the plan went over well, though Katie accidentally stubbed her toe while she was waiting.  
“Wow, good job, Mohamed!” Jason praised his friend “you were so prepared!”  
“Feh, well…” Mohamed seemed nervous “let’s just continue”  
The party continued to climb the tower, with each new floor presenting a new challenge. Mohamed's guidance seemed to get them through, though most of his plans involved him and Jason working together while Katie sat to the side.  
“Fuwah, we’re so high up now” Katie whined “Jason carry me”  
“Sorry, I’m already carrying Mohamed. Maybe next time we’re climbing up a death tower I’ll carry you!”  
Mohamed stuck his tongue out at Katie.  
It seemed as though they were at the second to last floor. As usual when they reached the top of the stairs, the entrance and exit stairs disappeared. But this time the challenge was already in front of them. A woman carrying an axe with armour similar to Mohamed’s. It was...Whylar.  
“Took your sweet time” Whylar turned to them, axe sheathed on her back.  
“Whylar?!” Katie exclaimed.  
Mohamed hastily withdrew his dagger “where’s James!?”  
“Shouldn’t you know?” Whylar flipped her hair behind her back “I thought you were omnipotent?”  
“Feh…” Mohamed side eyed his friends “I don’t know what you’re talking about”  
“You’re a terrible liar” Whylar placed a hand on the hilt of her axe.  
“Hey, perhaps we can sort something out” Jason approached Whylar “though to be fair I have no idea what's going on”  
“Nothing is going on!” Mohamed shouted “we just have to kill this wench and be done with this place!”  
“You’re both fools!” Whylar withdrew her axe “you seriously haven’t figured it out yet!?”  
Jason and Katie stared at her blankly.  
“He is-!” Whylar suddenly let out a pained cry. She looked down to see an arrow lodged firmly in her chest. Her head spasmed as she tried to look up at her attacker, but fell to the ground with a large thud.  
There was a moment of silence as Jason and Katie processed what had happened.  
“It’s okay…” Katie muttered “she’s just been KO’d. Player characters can’t die, remember?”  
“Ha...yeah” Jason waited for the text box to appear over Whylars head, but it never came. The two looked at Mohamed with worried expressions, only to see their friend completely calm.  
“Mohamed what did you do!?” Katie broke the silence.  
“What I should have done from the beginning” Mohamed sneered “they were both mistakes”  
“What happened to James?” Jason asked, withholding his panic.  
“He died off screen but I assure you it was brutal” Mohamed nodded.  
“But they’re player characters! We’ve seen James get KO’d remember?” Katie said.  
“They are player characters…” a dark aura surrounded Mohamed, building up until he could no longer be seen. Jason and Katie leapt away from him as to not be caught in the mysterious force surrounding him.  
“But they’re playing in my world” with that Mohamed vanished into thin air.


	12. The End Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow! what a cop out ending

“Jason is now really the time for that?!” Katie threw her arms up in anger.

“Fuck of I need to restore my MP” Jason pensively sipped a bottle of snapple as he sat cross legged on the floor. The two were still in the tower, mentally recovering from discovering their best simp was a rat.

“Who could have foreseen this” Katie looked at the reader and shook her head.

Jason let out a loud and satisfied ‘Ah!’ as he finished glugging his sweet tea. He got up, heading for the next level of the tower determinately. 

“It’s final boss time! Sucks there isn't an IGN guide but we’ll try our best!” he said.

“Are you sure we’re ready, Jason? Can’t we stock up first?” Katie suggested.

“Hm….okay”

The two went back to all the towns they had visited and picked up extra items. Boxes of mikado and orange juice to restore Katies HP and MP respectively, and oreos and snapple for Jason. 

“Should we get some new armour?” Katie suggested.

“Nah, we don't need new armor, it literally has not affected our stats at all” Jason shrugged.

“Ah, the aesthetics” they both said in unison.

They finally returned to the tower, hauling ass back up the sets of stairs to the top.

“I hope we haven’t kept Mohamed waiting” Jason said.

“He’s always making us wait to play Smort, he can wait for us to stock up to kill him” Katie rolled her eyes.

As Jason approached the last set of stairs, Katie placed her hand on his shoulder. She squeezed it tightly and looked at the ground nervously.

“Jason, if we don’t make it out of this alive, I just want you to know...I love you so much!” she said tsunderelly.

“Thanks!” Jason gave his e-girl a little thumbs up before they both ascended the stairs.

* * *

The two arrived at a balcony-like platform, with the night sky completely exposed to them and a large menacing looking portal at the far end of where they had ascended. 

“Feh...you’re here” Mohamed had his back to the party.

“Gasp! How did you know?!” Jason jumped.

“I didn’t, I’ve just been saying that every ten seconds for the past couple of hours” Mohamed turned to them. He no longer had his leather assassin armour on, instead he bore an ebony chest plate with spiked shoulder guards and a pair of greaves in a similar style. Sheathed on both sides of his hip were two large daggers, both black as night and as deadly as they looked. 

“Mohamed! Explain yourself!” Katie demanded.

“Feh, where do I begin” he began pacing back and forth “it all started last August-”

“Woah slow down there buddy!” Jason said.

“Feh, I’ll abridge it then” Mohamed turned to Jason “Jason...I love you. I love you so much, Jason”

The two looked at Mohamed in confused shock.

“I made this world just for us, so we could go on an amazing isekai adventure together and bond. But she-” Mohamed pointed at Katie “infected my world somehow”

“Haha oops” Katie sweated.

“Not just Katie in fact, James and Whylar too”

“James...what happened to him?” Jason asked.

“Like I said he died off screen it's not important” Mohamed brushed him off “Whylar must have caught onto me and got to my tower to try and make a surprise attack”

“Surprise attack but she was out in the open-” Katie started.

“It was a surprise attack!” Mohamed screeched “you three infesting my world caused all kinds of anomalies. Natasha's death, the residents in Tumblria, my armor exposing my nipple”

“Wait your armor wasn’t meant to look like that?” Jason queried.

“No, no it wasn’t” Mohamed sighed “it was just meant to be me and Jason. We would have ventured through my world, eventually ending up here and making our way through the tower and finally returning home together”

“Hey we can still do that buddy, you must have programmed in a new game plus right?” Jason offered.

“Yeah! I’ll just wait here for you two to finish your adventure” Katie smiled.

“Feh, the time for that has ended. If I can’t have Jason then no one can” Mohamed drew his daggers.

“Well sorry Jason that sucks-” Katie started to make her way back down the stairs.

“I’m also going to kill you, Katie” Mohamed said.

“D’oh!” Katie returned to her boyfriend's side and drew her staff.

“You’ll never win, Mohamed! Katie and I have the power of love!” Jason unsheathed his rapier.

Mohamed delivered an onslaught of attacks, barely giving the two a moment to react. His speed stat was off the charts and although his daggers didn’t do that much damage, the speed at which he delivered attacks meant the two never had the opportunity to fight back.

“Fuck the power of love I’m just gonna go feral!” Jason cast off his armour in the hopes it’d make him faster and plunged his rapier toward Mohamed.

“Feh, pathetic” Mohamed disappeared suddenly and reparread behind Jason “nothing personal, kid” he buried his daggers deep into Jason's back, causing Jason to collapse.

“Feh, looks like I’ve caused bleeding damage which is a damage over time. Jason will be dead within the minute” Mohamed chuckled.

“J-daddy!” Katie knelt over her boyfriend “let me restore your health”

“No...don’t kiss me...it’ll be gay” Jason coughed up blood.

“But if I don’t you’ll die!”

“No….I don’t wanna be….a fruitcake” Jason was succumbing to his wounds quicker than Mohamed had estimated.

“Is this really what you wanted, Mohamed?” Katie looked up at her former simp with tears in her eyes.

“To be honest not really but I’ll roll with it” Mohamed shrugged.

“Jason can we at least hold hands before you die” Katie puppy eyed her boyfriend.

“Ugh, fine, but only because I’m dying” Jason rolled his eyes.

The two locked their hands and suddenly a white aura surrounded them. Mohamed instinctively used his arms to cover his vision as the aura only grew larger. Jason and Katies forms seemed to merge and as the light faded, the two were gone. Standing in their place was a foreign figure Mohamed did not recognise. They were about 5’7”, with dark brown hair cut short with a side fringe. They bore a set of purple robes and held a rapier that seemed to have a thick hilt like a staff. 

“Feh, I don’t know who you are, but I’ll still kill you!” Mohamed threatened. He charged toward the stranger only to have them dodge perfectly.

“What the-” Mohamed was tripped up by the stranger as they dodged causing him to fall flat on his back.

“Whatever, dodge this!” Mohamed disappeared into thin air and reappeared behind the stranger but was blocked by the stranger twirling around swiftly and holding up their staff-rapier as a shield.

“How can you match my speed stat!? I minmaxed for so long to get this fast!” Mohamed was beginning to panic. He began to aimlessly slash at the stranger but none of his attacks connected. Eventually the stranger pushed him back onto the ground and stood staring down at him sadly.

“We don’t want to hurt you, Mohamed” the stranger seemed sorrowful“we just want to go home”

“Wh-” Mohamed didn’t recognise their voice. It was like two voices speaking on top of each other. 

“If you stop now we can go back to how we were” the stranger extended a hand to Mohamed “playing smort, being buds, etc.”

Mohamed looked down solemnly. Now that he was getting his ass kicked he realised he had made a mistake. This was no way to gain Jason's affection especially since Jason was probably dead now.

“Feh, I suppose-” Mohamed held the strangers hand “I could consider going back to the regular world”

As soon as he touched the strangers hand, the white aura returned around them. Mohamed looked away and when he looked back, Jason and Katie were laying in front of him.

“Owchie! My head hurts” Jason complained. He looked fine, as if he had never been wounded at all.

“Fuwah! Im exhausted” Katie rolled onto her stomach.

“What happened?” Mohamed scratched his head “where did you two go?”

“Good question!” Jason said “Katie what happened?”

“wellIdunno” Katie shrugged.

“Feh, it doesn’t matter. Let's go home you two” Mohamed stood up and headed toward the portal behind them.

“Huh? What happened to killing us?” Jason asked as he struggled to get to his feet.

“Feh, nevermind that” 

* * *

“So, why  _ can  _ you make an entire isekai universe?” Katie asked as she locked in mage.

“Feh, all devout Muslims can do it” Mohamed locked in assassin. 

“Well ain’t that something” Jason locked in mage as well.

“Jason, why did you lock in mage?! I already locked in mage!” Katie screeched.

“Oopsie!” Jason looked at the reader and winked.

**Author's Note:**

> thamks for reading


End file.
